Desperation

Last Sunday we had a girl talk in church that could not help but drop blunt hints from the pulpit about how she was so ready to give up the drama and heartache of single life and find the man to shoulder her load. She is one of many of girls I had come across in my second run on the single scene that made her desperation well known and it makes me wonder… What makes these girls think that is going to help their situation? Then, this morning on Digg.com, there’s a link to an article at AskMen.com that lists for “signs” a girl is desperate:

1- She’s always in a relationship

She doesn’t take the time to assess her last relationship and what went wrong, she’d rather jump into the next one to convince herself she is that much closer to getting married and having babies.

2- She’s a micromanager

Now this was a bit of a gray area. It says things like “If she has her wedding colors picked out before you’re even dating, or has name for her kids, then she’s desperate.” Um, that would rule out every girl I’ve ever met in my entire life. I think spending time thinking about baby names, what ones you like, what ones you don’t like, doesn’t make you desperate.

3- Cats and dogs

I’ve found this usually a sign of giving up, more than a sign of desperation.

4- She’s a pushover

Feigning compatibility to make you think you are more similar than in reality.

Here’s the thing: Desperation will repel people. The only people attracted to desperation are people that believe you are out of their league that smell the weakness and think they now have a chance (and maybe that’s the vibe these girls are wanting to put out, who knows?). And I’ve actually met guys that are pretty desperate as well, but most of them have learned through experience, you keep that desperation to yourself. You put on a face that you are loving your life and living your dream or working toward your goals and getting into a relationship would simply be the icing on the cake.

I’ve had to let go of the deadlines in my life (have first child by a certain age, etc) and it’s pretty liberating. Don’t make comments about being ready for marriage or dying to have kids, or even comments about being single the rest of your life, or never having children. Pity is on par with desperation.